Written by Colin Sandel (with musical help from Andrew Marcus) for the 30th Anniversary Ale, 2007
Please do not reprint or record without permission (the Squire can direct you to the appropriate person)
'twas a lovely morning at the Constant Billy gulch
But something broke the silence as men lunged across the mulch
Before too long, two armies were encamped on either side
Their bells and sticks were gleaming, just as polished as their pride
"This time!" somebody shouted, stick a-waving o'er his head
His flaming eyes betrayed that he'd not stop till he was dead
They say that men of values are the ones who fight the best
But what of those who fight for what they wear upon their chest
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CHORUS
They battled through
the morning and
the noon and then
the night
They stopped off for a pint of beer and then resumed the fight
One side with buttons gleamed
and the other had just a patch
and that's the reason why they fought
the Battle of the Badge!
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The Trunkle Hunter Army, they marched with Gen'ral Graham
They marched without formation and they marched without a plan
Their chests were glitt'ring testaments to places they had been
The traditions they upheld were those of lechery and sin.
Commander Judson Macintyre led the Garter Defense Force
Their uniforms were pressed, their communications morse
The finest of the finest, dressed in finest finery
A better-garnered regiment you'd never chance to see
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CHORUS
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They faced each other belly-to-belly and never back to back
And in the chorus it would be not sticks but heads they'd whack
Their handkerchiefs grew bloody but their nerves were made of steel
And all the rest was muscle -- hey, sweetheart, want a feel?
Every soldier gave his all to be who he could be
(except for ones with injuries, who sat out each sortie)
Just like the good old Sherriff, they were in it for the ride
The only burning question was: just who was on whose side?
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CHORUS
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They battled low, they battled high they battled once again
Until somebody checked his watch and saw that it was ten
The troops' morale was drained just like the Smithwick's from a glass
And shortly every soldier there was resting on his laurels.
Commander Jud departed then, a squash game to prevail
And Gen'ral Graham took on the task to botch another ale
The armies went to have a pint and rustle up some grub
For in the Battle of the Badge the winner was ... the pub!
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CHORUS
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